What about after the birth, what type of relationship can be expected?
The relationship created between intended parents and a surrogate during the surrogacy process is a powerful and intimate one. Both parties are actively working toward the miracle of life by adding a child to a family who so desperately wants one. The surrogacy journey can be complicated and difficult at times in which intended parents and surrogates learn to lean on each other for support.
What happens to this relationship after the baby is born? Do intended parents and surrogates go their separate ways, even though they are forever bonded with the knowledge that they brought a life into the world together?
Whether you are an intended parent or a surrogate, you may be curious and even anxious about what kind of relationship you will have once your surrogacy journey is complete. Only you and your surrogacy partner will determine what this relationship is. As you’re considering what you what you want your relationship to be like, think about these three important facts.
Your Relationship will Change
When a baby is born via surrogacy, intended parents and surrogates have often spent a year or more working together, being present for important appointments, sharing stories of pregnancy and excitement while genuinely creating a unique friendship. However, once a baby is born, many of those aspects that bond intended parents and surrogates disappear. It’s normal for your surrogacy relationship to change once the baby is born and you should be prepared for these changes. You will likely no longer be in as frequent contact when you are not bound by the aspects of the surrogacy process. If you are an intended parent, your focus will go from caring for your surrogate to caring for your newborn baby. If you are a surrogate, you will go from being a key player in the surrogacy process to a spectator of the new family you have created. These changes can be abrupt and when you factor in the complicated emotions associated with childbirth, it can be a confusing time. Remember, your surrogacy professional will always be there to guide you through those feelings and help you adjust to your new relationship.
Closure
It’s true that surrogates do not become emotionally attached to the children they carry for nine months. They understand that they are just “babysitting” the child and are just as excited as intended parents for the new chapter in their lives. However, an abrupt break from the intended parents and the baby who they have focused on for the last year can be emotionally challenging for a surrogate. A surrogate is an important part of the surrogacy process and it’s important that she does not feel like her effort has been overlooked or forgotten as soon as the baby is born.
Closure, even if it’s something as simple as letting the surrogate hold the baby and say goodbye to the new family, can go a long way in helping the surrogate heal from the physical and emotional complexities of her surrogacy delivery. Likewise, intended parents should find the same sense of closure with the woman who has carried their hopes and dreams for the last nine months. Even if all parties anticipate continuing moving forward with the relationship, this step is crucial in creating a positive surrogacy experience for everyone.
Every Post-Birth Surrogacy Relationship is Different
Determining your post-surrogacy relationship can be tricky, especially after the baby has been born. Therefore, many intended parents and surrogates create a communication outline so all parties know the expectation during the pregnancy and after birth. Remember, all relationships develop naturally and there is no wrong way to have a relationship with your surrogacy partner after delivery. Every relationship is different and it’s up to you to determine what kind you want after the birth of the child.
If you want to learn more about maintaining a positive surrogacy relationship with your intended parents or surrogate after the baby is born, speak with one of our team members today.