Gay Dads - How to Support Your Surrogate Through Pregnancy
Many times when people think of a typical person who might need to use surrogacy to grow their family, they think of two gay dads. We’re talking about a couple of guys who have never experienced pregnancy before. Nor have they experienced pregnancy with their own wife or partner. Single guys—we know you’re in the same boat! So how can these never-been-pregnant men help their surrogate through pregnancy?
The truth is, there are no rules or guidelines that you have to follow to show support to your surrogate through your pregnancy. Every pregnant woman experiences pregnancy differently. Every pregnancy is different. Here are a few ways to show support to the pregnant surrogate in your life.
Flexibility & Patience:
As the baby’s parents you are feeling the desire to be at every appointment and maybe even request the appointments for certain dates/times. You may also be asking for daily, weekly or monthly updates from your surrogate. Any request you are asking is perfectly understandable, the two things we have to remember with these requests are patience and flexibility.
As your partner in this journey, a surrogate will want to cater to all your requests and make sure you feel one hundred percent involved. But, sometimes life becomes crazy busy and she may not respond immediately to you. Just know we heard you and we are going to respond as soon as a moment is available. Everyone needs to be reminded to take a deep breath. No one can truly understand the juggling balance of life until you join your life with a stranger and grow a baby together.
This sounds easy right? Well, it is!! Your surrogacy adventure is just that, a journey that your growing family and the surrogate’s family are doing together. Your surrogate is listening to all your wants and needs, no matter how small. During this journey pay attention to the small details that she expresses as well; favorite ice cream, best time of day/night to contact, husband/partner’s name, children’s name(s), favorite store etc. Remembering these details will show your surrogate that you care about her in this process as well.
Showing support can be done in a few different ways. You can start by asking her “Do you need anything?” This question alone is huge! Knowing someone cares enough to ask, is a relief in its own. A simple gesture of sending her surprise, “Thinking of you” flowers really goes a long way. One, flowers smell amazing and two, every-- she looks at them she is reminded of your involvement.
Acknowledging all the random extra pregnancy stuff and assisting to purchase will get you major bonus points. Pregnancy stuff can include: pregnancy pillows, particular snacks, socks, books, house cleaner for a day, a babysitter-paid evening for mom, pedicure etc.
These items are best provided as a surprise to your surrogate, we all know if you ask her if she would like anything extra, she will say no. We don’t expect the extras but a little surprise goes a long way with showing support. Quick reminder: check with your lawyer before you give any gifts to make sure they are permitted compensation in your state-you don’t want to do anything that can mess up your pre-birth order.
As life is busy for everyone, taking the time to listen to each other and show support can go such a long way. Remember, as surrogates, we want the same as you. We want you to go home with a happy, healthy baby. (And of course we look forward to seeing your new baby at the New England Walk of Hope or at Family Week in Provincetown!)
Ready to become an intended parent through surrogacy? Ready to become a surrogate? Contact us today to learn more about New England Surrogacy’s program. Or learn more about our commitment to the gay community.