Dear Savvy Surrogate: How to Explain Surrogacy to My Kids?

Dear Savvy Surrogate: I want to become a surrogate but I am scared that my kids are too young to understand what surrogacy is; how can I explain it to them?  Sincerely, Soon-to-be-Surrogate 

Dear Soon-to-be-Surrogate: I think you might be surprised what they will understand! At the time I started my surrogacy journey my kids were the ages of four and one. I started by explaining how we have a family and you have a little sister. Some mommies are unable to have children so they need a little help from us to create their family. We then explained that Mommy will have a baby in her tummy growing, and when that baby is ready to come out that baby will go home with their mom and dad because we are just keeping the baby warm for them until they can come out into the world.  

You can explain it however you like to your children. There was not one bit of hesitation from my four year old; she was so excited to meet new people and help. My one year old was still in pre-toddler land, just rolling with whatever sister was doing. If sister was excited, she should be too. This was all explained in her four year old terms, and not in “adult talk” as she would say. 

My children then met the intended parents for the first time, and they were more understanding then I thought they would ever be. We did explain and mentally prepare them before we met them, but we really weren’t sure how much a one year could understand. But she knew that these people were nice to her and her sister likes them, so she would too.  By the time the babies were born, my one year old was two and gained more understanding. She talks about the babies all the time now. When we get pictures or texts we all stop what we are doing and just smile and talk about the babies with each other. We weren’t scared to hold anything back from them; we always talked to them about what was going on and made sure that they were ok. 

I am very lucky that my intended parents are willing and able to share pictures and videos with us so we can see them grow. We are even lucky enough to be close enough to visit them from time to time. 

Remember that every child learns differently and every child takes a different amount of time to comprehend things. If you respect that in your children, they will learn to do the same for you and understand the amazing thing you are doing for someone. 

As an agency we have many resources for you and your children. Even meet-ups with other surrogates and their children. If you are interested in learning more, don’t hesitate to reach out to us!

Sincerely, The Savvy Surrogate